January 31st, 2006 by Quatrux

Once more another test exam that I could write the real ones some months later – it was Lithuanian + literature, I did quite well, but I think I could spend much more time learning, well I did go over all the writers and their biographies to write the interpretation, but I was lucky and got R. Granauskas “Gyvenimas po klevu” which we went through in class and I had a lot of ideas in my head, well do not know what the results will be, but I just hope I will pass these stupid things, the exams are coming and I do not have any problems with them, except for Mathematics, I am quite good there, but it really got boring for me, even though I need to learn it, I am ignoring it and learning all the other lessons, well I will have problems with physics too, but it will be my 6th exam, so I do not want big results out of them. I wrote today for 3 hours and had 1 hour break, after it again a test for grammatic and the fucking hard questions from a publicists article full of philosophy, well we rarely do this kind of stuff, so it took my time, I just wonder how they will be checked, most of the questions were “how did you understand..” I think they will look at the names, because most of the teachers hates me, because I like to be smart, they will lower me the mark, but I do not care, I just want to get to the real exams. I have problems with Lithuanian punctuation, I just am guessing, because there are a lot of stupid rules which does not go anywhere, most of my friends do that, but we usually get quite poor results, I remember I knew it well, 3 years ago when we were spending 2 months only on punctuation and now only 1-2 lessons, or sometimes, we in 12 form need to know everything.. We need to know to much in my opinion, people who knows punctuation, does not now a lot about life, but they will still forget it after a while and is going to have a life later. Anyway I am not afraid of English, Lithuanian, History, Informatics exams, but more about Mathematics, because I want very good results, but my knowledge got a little bad on tough taska with a lot of counting, but algebra is not my bad site, I just hate geometry, especially the harder one which is not so easy for finding the answer oh! and of course physics, which theory and tasks I just do not solve even though I read through it yesterday, our country has very tough exams for this to avoid a lot of jerks like me passing them very well, so usually a lot of whom justs get 4% to 20% out of 100% from all the people in the country, and people into physics can get better, but I still know a lot about it, even though if I would spend on my homework more than 15 minutes a day I could learn better, but I like to be lazy, well as a matter of fact I don’t. :)

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Ferrum Frost 2006

January 29th, 2006 by Quatrux

Well yeah, I did not even plan to go there, because this concert wasn’t very attractive for me. Anyway, but still it was Saturday and I wanted to go somewhere, so with two friends I went to to a bar where metal-heads get together called “Apuokas” and had some beer there.. after spending some hours there we decided to go to the concert without any money left, to hang around the place, but we managed to get inside and have some fun, I think I got under the influence of alcohol a little to much, but I felt relaxed, to much relaxed and lost my scarf, again I lost my fucking scarf which I got as a present for Christmas.. That is why I found a black scarf and took it, I don’t know whose it was, but it is ok, I washed it and going to wear it, am I bad or what ? The concert was full of people, almost like on Cannibal Corpse concert a year and more ago. I somehow managed to get home by trolleybus, but still needed to go alone on foot for about 2km. Yawn ;)

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January 26th, 2006 by Quatrux

I use privoxy for a long time and I really feel happy about it, I don’t see the banner ads, the popups, bad sites are blocked and what is the best it is fully configurable and can do various things..

Privoxy is a web proxy with advanced filtering capabilities for protecting privacy, modifying web page content, managing cookies, controlling access, and removing ads, banners, pop-ups and other obnoxious Internet junk. Privoxy has a very flexible configuration and can be customized to suit individual needs and tastes. Privoxy has application for both stand-alone systems and multi-user networks.

It is very easy to install it and use it, just download the latest stable release and install it somewhere on your hdd, it has an easy to use installer for windows and furthermore it is available on OS’es like Linux, Mac, Amiga…

You wonder how to use it ? well just make your browsers to use proxy, usually you can make it http proxy: and same for https, but if you were using a proxy before, you can edit your privoxy configuration to forward to another proxy while using it, also if you do it I recommend to make the proxy not work for address’s you do not need, for example .us . the dot means no forwarding, well the configuration file is fully explained, so it is easy to understand also on their site it has a fully written FAQ and Documentation.

Download and Read about Privoxy ;)

Posted in Computers, Open Source | No Comments »


January 24th, 2006 by Quatrux

Well, I was offline for 8 days, can you believe it ? and at first I did not know what to do without being online, but the next day I got over it and just done what I needed to finish, I configured my computer and cleaned up my downloads and stuff, then I started to program in php+mysql and wrote my first real class which is called Banning, it is really great and my control panel which I am developing got really far, the banning features are superb and the class works great. Those days were really cold here in Lithuania, for 4 days it was minus 20 degrees by Celsius.. and at nights even -30.. that was cold, it rarely is like that here, but oh well, I am not afraid of cold weather, it was alright for me, I just needed to dress much warmer, but walking the dog was almost fun :D

So today I got another internet provider, a little worse, but seems alright, so I am back online and I learned that I can enjoy my social life being offline, I was reading books and walking in the yard.. pathetic I do not have a social life (almost) I don’t need it, or maybe I do. I also watched a little of TV and saw that some shows are just so pathetic. ;)

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January 16th, 2006 by Quatrux

Well, since Wednesday I have been feeling and still do that something hurts in my chest, I thought it would soon disappear, as I always had a good immunity system, but for 5 days it did not disappear, so after being in school for two hours, I got scared, because the pain got much bigger, so went to the fucking doctors, who I never liked, needed to sit there for 1 and half hours that I could tell what is wrong with me, well after all the tests they said that nothing is wrong with me, just little to much of pressure and that it could be, because of stress or something like that.. Well I know that I have been living in stress since 8 form, I mean for 5 years now, but never had pain in my chest.. They said it should disappear after a while, I hope they are right, because I am only 18 years old (maybe thats enough) to have health problems like that, I hate my life :D there is no life for and there is no health for me either, I am glad that I am able to sport, they said I can continue going to the gym. Furthermore, I can’t worry deeply about stuff, it is bad for me and my health.. I do not know what to do with beer, to continue drinking it or to stop at all. Well it is my health, I have ruined it myself and of course others, or better to say, “good life”. Nothing better has been interesting for me, the same old routine, school, sleep, computer, beer, school..

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January 14th, 2006 by Quatrux

Skype is a freeware application, something like an instant messaging software, but it is able to make calls and video conferences online with other skype users, I have been using Skype for some time now and all I can say that it is stable, I did not have problems with it, it is very easy and comfortable to talk with your friends, I changed irc for skype to talk with my friends and left irc for talking in support channels, like #phphelp,#mysql on different servers, but of course I chat on IRC too, but usually nonsense, of course irc has it own advantages, skype has others. Skype use’es http protocol and https, that is why it is fast, because a lot of people has fast connection for this protocol, the file downloads and uploads are fast, not like on dcc or msn, jabber, yahoo, aol, etc.

Skype is available for different Operating Systems like Windows, Linux, Mac-OS and Pocket PC.. it has lots of users online and a fast search engine for searching for your friends.. usually there are 4-2 millions users online and no ads, of course it offers paid features, but you might not use it if you don’t need them. As I said, it is comfortable to use, when you work the notifications just help you to chat and do not forget about someone when working with your computer, I usually forget that I am talking on some IRC channel or private, besides Skype has no Spam and no viruses and stuff. ;)

Skype is a little program for making free calls over the internet to anyone else who also has Skype. It’s free and easy to download and use, and works with most computers.

You can know more about Skype and download it at Skype dot com

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my Dreams

January 14th, 2006 by Quatrux

For a while I started to have a period of dreams, I never liked to read what do dreams mean, but thought to write it and understand myself what problems do I have. I used to rarely dream, only the end parts when waking up, so that means I used to sleep well, because people who does not dream and remember only black screen, mean were in a deep sleep and their body has relaxed and has rested. So I started to dream a lot for some time now, I don’t try to remember the dreams, it is better to forget them, but when I try to do it in the morning I understand something has happened, I started to feel a lot of pain in my dreams. For example, recently I was closing the balcony windows and some cats has jumped in, I kicked their butts, but one was offensive and grabbed into my arm, I tried to through him out, but the pain created to my arm by his teeth was enormous, I woke up and felt the pain, even though no one was near me, but eventually in three seconds period it vanished. It was only one example from a few.. I was kicked in a dream, I jumped and felt onto the ground and what scares me mostly, some weeks ago I dreamed how I died in a car accident, I got squashed by a car and felt the pain, it hurt so much that I woke and could not say a word, my every muscle was pulled, but after three seconds I understood it was a dream, I would not call it a nightmare though, I was enjoying it when looking with my eyes I got overridden by the car and saw myself from the over corner for about 1 second. More than a month ago, I dreamed that I am flying, the feeling is really great, but then I understood I am dreaming and could not control it, I understood people can’t fly and started to fall down, I thought this is the end, I will die and I hit the ground, again the enormous pain, but this time I did not wake up, feeling the pain I stood up and said I need help, I am dieing, I could not move, it seemed that I am walking in one place, so I started to panic, I punched myself into my head and woke up.

I think I have a lot of deep psychological problems, but I did not care about it if not the recent two days dreaming, it was like a “god like” dreams, I controlled myself in those dreams, I understood I am dreaming, it was like another world, which I created myself, you can feel like god there. I used to dream those kind of dreams, but never the effect last longer than 10 seconds. It lasted for about 5 minutes, I almost fully controlled it, I imagined that under the other corner there is my friend and when I looked, it really was there.. a bit different with a strange haircut, but that is not the point. There is a WAR inside me and I don’t know how to stop it, it makes me mad, I can’t be myself, I don’t care if I loose it or win it, I want it to stop, even though I always wanted to dream “god like” dreams, it is not so fun when you can’t wake up, in those kind of dreams you’re not yourself, you are stronger or weaker, I remember fought with a guy and won, I remember I got easily beaten up and felt no strength to kick back, my muscles was “out of order”.

Almost forgot to add the main thing, that in the “godlike” dream I was talking, with a friend, I was saying to him that did he knew if this is a dream and it is not real, he said what did I mean and did not believe me, I asked him “how do you know me ? tell something about me” and got a reply that “I know you, what is with you ?” and no more, he was created by my brain, a character.. I still did want to prove that this was a dream and cut of my hand, nothing happened, I did not feel anything, when I turned back he was already gone, I still walked and after some seconds in other room I saw my hand back.. Of course, it is very hard to think there, when you feel like you will now wake up, I just said no, sleep to continue, but the next “episode” changed.. I think you now can imagine something.. :S

For a year now, it is much harder for me to understand there is my reality, there is my dreams and there is my own made up stuff, I just can’t control it anymore, sometimes I think that some episodes from my dreams happened in reality, I start to really believe my made up stories, I think I got lost and know I don’t know the path to get back, I can’t find the door to return, I have started to live in a “fantasy” world which I create for myself, but I hate it, I want it to stop and all the stress vanish somewhere else, I feel like I am crazy, I know that I am smart, but I can’t show it to others I got used to be treated as an idiot and speak as an idiot. I wish I could stop being an idiot and look forward, but I just forget about it, I am pissed of of being alone.

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January 12th, 2006 by Quatrux

Firstly I will explain what desire is. Desire is not a an urge for sex, alcohol, power, money or similar. You’ll get it when you will remember the phrase “godlike desire”. Desire – it is a lure and lure is a challenge , so desire is a challenge for sex, alcohol, power and etc. I just thought of an old good saying “know your self” even though it sounds fuzzily. How to know ? What exactly to know ? and the main part – why ?

As a matter of fact, what will you get by knowing ? for example, of course the understanding of your weakness ? Why do we need that knowledge, will it give us happiness ? And how will you need to know ? by practice or by thinking ? a little of experience is more superior than tons of thoughts.
Is it possible by thinking a lot strengthen your ability for something you don’t have practice yet ? or maybe you just need to try it ? (You remember what a challenge is ?) hundred times of thinking how you will feel in an unknown situation for you, we just go down in that kind of situation.
So that means that we only can use our thinking when we are already mature, so if we explain mature as gained experience, that is the desire, probation, so what then, we will give up for the desire ?
It all just sucks to seat hours in the chats on the internet, of course it is a desire, but how many hours do you need to spend there to know your self ? a year ? a month ? a day ? how many alcohol you need to drink, that you would understand an easy thing, like: with whom you will be drinking, you will still drink in loneliness. A tank ? a bucket ? a box ? a bottle of beer ? how much you need to “fuck” that you would understand that searching for a perfect ideal is pointless ? hundred ? thirty ? or just “masturbate” ?
Whatever you say, I don’t care. In my opinion the satisfied one is not the one who ate all, but the one who ate substantially. And for preconception I can suggest to “temper your self”.
Doesn’t all our problems start when we over try ? You can laugh from a young virgin guy the same as from a chronic clap lecher. If you didn’t fell it practically – shut up; if you practiced for the process and not for the knowledge – shut up at all. On the other hand, been there, done that, did it – gained experience, got desire ? when you gave up for the lure. As I remember “Nothing is to much” as said our ancestry..
And whats in the end ? it is the question of the point of living. I mean why brothers and sisters to live ? I think we need to live until the moment comes, when death becomes a free choice and not a sad need. I will explain: to live until the time you will say for your self “I answered all my questions and further it is silence”. The point of life is to understand and know your self, it means to answer all your questions. To know is to test, try, desire and understand..

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January 11th, 2006 by Quatrux

Everyone needs to take decisions, even if you do not like them, you need to choose something, everyone isn’t perfect and usually a lot of people make bad decisions, but that is the point, to learn from them, to learn from your mistakes, to get experience in different situations and learn, learn all your life until your death comes, maybe tomorrow or maybe after 50 years, it is very easy to die, it is very hard to live and if you don’t have a point in your life or do not know what you want from it you might think of suicide very often and stuff like that. Why lead a healthy lifestyle if you will still die ? why do we need to do something at all ? everyone can think of stupid questions. I think that it is better to ask less, because you will still not get your answers, or might think of 10 answers which are different from each other. Why have a headache from that ? I think answering questions which still does not have an answer is really great, but it leads you to being mad or you might start acting crazy and even surprising to your self.. this is normal, as I said there is nothing prefect in our life, as a matter of fact there is a lot of terrible things happening, the line of bad and good which has to be about 50/50 isn’t like that, the bad is wining and that is why we all are going to die, unless the humans will start making more good than bad.. but humans are choosing easier things usually, because it is much easier to do bad rather than good. why do we usually see bad things from a person or a thing ? not the good, of course there are people who are looking only into good, but they are blind and pretend to live, even though they might be happier. I think life sucks and I hate it, but I am trying to enjoy it, I would not like to die, even though I am not afraid of death. The best life period in my life has already finished, the childhood. Why do we want to grow up so fast ? being an adult sucks, so much problems you just can’t solve, the only feature being a grown up is that you can enjoy sexual life.. a lot of people living for a longer time and thinking say that love is the main thing in love, but what can you love if everything around is so terrible ? yea love really matters, even if you love a tree or an animal, it’s still love. The thing which does not matter in life is money and wealth, but we just can do without it, so it is a need to have money, we created it so lets use it, lets use everything we create, lets destroy what others created, nothing has a sense until you will create it and use it for your self.

Posted in Personal, Philosophy | 1 Comment »

1st 2006 Day at School

January 9th, 2006 by Quatrux

Well, it was really funny, the first 2006 year day back to school day :D I wanted my holidays longer so I decided to not sleep all night and work near the computer and books, so I did and I did not get asleep and went to school like that, of course having a bath and breakfast and stuff.. the first two lessons were really funny, lots of things to laugh out.. so I did not learn there a lot, but started to remember how to write, on literature we wrote 4 pages :S but what was wrong about this day that I forgot my pencil and was feeling bad with other persons bad pencil :( well back to the routine of learning, darn exams are so close, need to concentrate :D

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